We’ve all been there: the thrill of finding a new ESP. At first, it promises the world: perfect deliverability, loyal subscribers, and analytic that would make anyone jealous. But after a few weeks, you start noticing the cracks: missed validations, lost emails, and reports as vague as your ex’s intentions.
Time to get real. Are you ready to settle down with your ESP for the long haul, or is it still sending you mixed signals? Grab a glass of wine (or a strong coffee, no judgment), take our flirty little quiz, and see which email relationship type best fits your current sending situation.
You sit at your desk, latte steaming beside you, staring at your subscriber list like it’s a crush who might never text you back. Every hard bounce feels like a little heartbreak waiting to happen, and you can almost hear the groans of undeliverable emails hitting full inboxes. You need someone – or something – that can save you from those missed connections before your heart (and your sender reputation) takes the hit.
A) Your ESP is the sweetheart who whispers in your ear, “Don’t worry, I’ve got this.” Real-time validations catch typos, bogus addresses, and trap emails before they ruin your bounce rate. Smooth, dependable, and oh-so-reliable.
B) Basic syntax checks? Sure. Catching deep issues? Meh. You’re left hoping for the best while dodging deliverability drama.
C) No validation tools here. Your emails bounce more than your ex’s debit card paying the check. Your list is basically playing Russian roulette.
D) Your ESP shrugs and says, “Your problem, not mine.” You’re on your own, babe – prepare for heartbreak.
Imagine your brand is on a first date, all dressed up and trying to make a great impression. Your ESP should be the partner who notices when someone shady tries to crash in, swoops in to save you from embarrassment, and keeps your reputation sparkling. Otherwise, that first impression could turn into one bad night… or worse, a viral disaster.
A) Full DMARC monitoring with clear alerts and reports. Your reputation stays flawless.
B) Limited authentication checks. Mostly fine, but you could get blindsided.
C) Problems aren’t flagged until your deliverability is already bruised.
D) Zero monitoring, zero guidance. You’re left to fend for yourself while chaos reigns.
Picture a partner who messages you back instantly, knows exactly what you like, and gives clear signs of where the relationship is headed. That’s what good monitoring and analytics feel like. A bad ESP is the one that leaves you hanging, guessing if they’re into you or just playing games, with your heart (and campaign) in suspense.
A) Detailed analytics, real-time logs, and customizable dashboards. They tell you everything, darling.
B) Basic reporting exists, but insights are vague – like a lover who never fully opens up.
C) Minimal data. You’re left piecing things together like a bad first date.
D) Little to no visibility. Your campaigns are basically MIA… and so is your ESP.
You’ve been on a few good dates, and now it’s time to get to know the friend group; you want to know if your ESP keeps company that sets off red flags. Enter the TAM.
A dedicated TAM is someone who grounds the relationship and keeps it healthy. They remember your quirks, anticipate your needs, and help you and your ESP “find your spark again” when things get tricky.
A) A dedicated TAM who knows your sending patterns and helps optimize performance. Steady, reliable, a true best pal.
B) General support staff with limited context. Helpful-ish, but not someone you’d invite to Friendsgiving.
C) Slow, ticket-based responses. You’re left wondering why your ESP keeps hanging with them.
D) No personalized support. Gone at the moment you need them the most.
Your API keeps the relationship alive. If it’s smooth, reliable, and responsive, your email campaigns feel like effortless chemistry. But if it’s clunky, unpredictable, or outdated, every connection becomes a drama-filled obstacle. An ESP with a bad API is like the type of partner who stands you up mid-dinner, texts inconsistently, and leaves you questioning all your choices.
A) Robust, flexible, and reliable. Chemistry sparks every time.
B) Works okay but misses some moves. Flirty, inconsistent.
C) Outdated or difficult to integrate. Every attempt feels awkward.
D) Frequently broken. Ghosts mid-send. Your devs cry.
Now that you’ve put your ESP through the ringer, tally your A’s, B’s, C’s, and D’s, and check the results:
Mostly A’s – Sending Soulmate: Congratulations, you’ve found “the one!” Deliverability is strong, your brand is protected, analytics are crystal-clear, and your TAM is basically your ride-or-die.
Mostly B’s – The Fixer-Upper: You’re having fun, but things are murky. Still, there’s potential. The question is, are you ready to invest the time and energy it takes to makeover this so-so beau?
Mostly C’s – Situationship: This ESP gives you all the drama without the perks. Consider moving on before your campaigns start ghosting themselves.
Mostly D’s – Inbox F-Boy: Oof. It’s time to swipe left. Your ESP is all talk, zero action, and your deliverability is paying the price.
Email is not just about sending little love letters to your subscribers; it’s about making sure they’re delivered where you want them, when you want them. Stop settling for ESPs that are full of red flags and find the one that treats your brand like the 10/10 knockout it is.
If you’re looking for help finding the right match, try Mailgun and see why thousands of marketers trust us to make every send count. Loyalty, transparency, and a sense of humor are included. Let’s make it official.
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